250+ Clean Roasts for 9 Year Olds That Stay Kind & Funny

Roasting can be a fun way for kids to joke around, but for 9-year-olds it should always stay clean, friendly, and safe. The goal isn’t to hurt feelings—it’s to make everyone laugh. Below you’ll find roasts for 9 year olds that are silly, kid-appropriate, and easy to use at school, at home, or at a birthday party. You’ll also get short roasts for 9 year olds, plus extra lines for a short roasts for 9 year olds girl vibe (still friendly and not about appearance), clean comebacks, and simple rules to keep things kind check more here : 250+ Best Comebacks When Someone Makes Fun of Your Looks

Table of Contents

What “Roasting” Means for Kids (And Why It Should Stay Clean)

Roasts vs bullying: the simple difference

A roast for 9 year olds is a playful joke that makes people giggle, not cry. Bullying is repeated meanness that targets someone to make them feel small. If the joke makes someone feel embarrassed, unsafe, or singled out, it’s not a roast—it’s a problem.

When kid roasts are okay (and when they aren’t)

Roasts are okay when:

both kids are smiling and laughing
it’s about a silly moment or harmless habit
the kid being roasted can roast back safely

Roasts are not okay when:

someone looks upset or gets quiet
it targets bodies, families, or personal problems
it’s used to embarrass someone in front of others

Quick rules: laugh with them, not at them

If it feels like everyone is laughing together, you’re doing it right. If it feels like one person is the joke, stop and switch to something kind or silly.

Safety Rules Before You Use Any Roasts

Topics to avoid completely (looks, family, bodies, money)

For good roasts for 9 year olds, don’t roast:

someone’s body, face, hairline, skin, or clothes in a mean way
their family, home, or money
anything sad or personal (health, fears, mistakes they feel bad about)

Keep it light, like “silly habits” and “funny moments.”

How to pick “safe” roast themes (habits, silly moments)

The safest roasts for 9 year olds focus on:

being slow, sleepy, or distracted
being extra dramatic
goofy game moments
funny homework mistakes (not real grades)
silly dance moves
cartoon-style comparisons

The 5-second check for parents and kids

Before saying it, ask:

Would I laugh if someone said this to me?
Would I say it in front of a teacher/parent?
Is it about something harmless?
If any answer is “no,” don’t say it.

What to do if someone looks upset

Stop right away and say something simple:

“My bad. I was just joking.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Then switch topics or say something kind.

How to apologize the right way (kid-friendly script)

A good apology is short and real:

“I’m sorry. That was too much.”
“I won’t say that again.”
“Are you okay?”

250+ Funny Roasts for 9-Year-Olds (Totally Clean)

Silly face roasts

Your face is doing gymnastics again.
You make a funny face like it’s your superpower.
If faces had sound effects, yours would be “boing.”
Your eyebrows are having their own conversation.
Your smile is so big it needs its own seat.
Your serious face looks like a confused potato.
Your “thinking” face looks like Wi-Fi loading.
Your face changes faster than a cartoon scene.
You look shocked… and it’s not even surprising.
Your face said “huh?” before your brain did.

Crazy hair day roasts

Your hair looks like it lost a pillow fight.
Did your hair get dressed in the dark?
Your hair is doing its own dance moves.
Your hair has more energy than you do.
Your hair looks like a fluffy explosion.
Your hair is auditioning for a cartoon.
Your hair is giving “wild squirrel” vibes.
Your hair is standing up for no reason—just like your opinions.
Your hair looks like it ran away from the comb.
Your hair is in a hurry, but you’re not.

Slowpoke roasts

You’re so slow, snails ask you for directions.
You move like your shoes are tired.
You walk like you’re buffering.
If slow was a sport, you’d be champion.
You take forever… and still arrive confused.
Even your shadow is waiting for you.
You move like Monday morning.
You’re not slow—you’re “extra careful forever.”
Your speed is set to “turtle mode.”
You take steps like you’re counting them.

Food mishap roasts

You eat like the food offended you first.
Your sandwich is scared of you.
You drop snacks like it’s part of the plan.
You chew like you’re solving a math problem.
Your plate looks like a food tornado happened.
You spill more than you drink.
You treat ketchup like paint.
Your lunchbox survives you every day.
You eat neatly… in your imagination.
Even your crumbs have crumbs.

Video game noob roasts (kid-safe)

You press buttons like you’re playing piano.
Your character is tired of you.
You lose so fast it’s a speedrun.
You play like the controller is guessing.
Even the tutorial feels bad for you.
You run into walls like it’s a hobby.
Your strategy is “hope and panic.”
You celebrate… and still lose.
Your aim is allergic to targets.
You respawn more than you breathe.

School & homework goofs

You look at homework like it’s a villain.
Your pencil works harder than you do.
You write answers like you’re making them up (because you are).
You “study” like it’s a bedtime story.
Your eraser gets more exercise than you.
You bring confidence, not answers.
Your notebook is mostly doodles and dreams.
You read the question… and still choose chaos.
You ask “what page?” every time like it’s your catchphrase.
Your homework is always “almost done.”

Teacher-safe classroom roasts

You whisper like a megaphone.
You raise your hand like you’re launching a rocket.
You sit still for two seconds—new record!
You’re the class comedian… even when it’s not time.
Your chair squeaks because it’s scared.
You react to everything like it’s a surprise.
You drop pencils like it’s your job.
You make “oops” sound like a hobby.
You ask questions that start with “Wait…”
You’re focused… for five seconds.

Animal antics roasts

You run like a baby giraffe.
You’re as sneaky as a loud puppy.
You have squirrel energy all day.
You jump around like a popcorn kernel.
You’re like a kitten—chaos in a cute way.
You act like a raccoon near snacks.
You’re a penguin on land and proud.
You’re a hamster with too much sugar.
You wiggle like a worm doing karate.
You have “zoo mode” on.

Dance move disasters

Your dance moves are brave, not correct.
You dance like your knees are arguing.
Your feet are making their own rules.
You dance like you’re dodging invisible bees.
Your rhythm ran away.
You’re doing the “confused robot” again.
Your moves are so random, even music is shocked.
You dance like you’re trying to shake off glitter.
Your dance is a surprise… to everyone.
Keep dancing—your confidence is the best part.

Toy and game fail roasts

You lose board games and blame the dice’s attitude.
You play hide-and-seek like you want to be found.
You build LEGO like it’s modern art.
Your tower falls because it gives up early—like you.
You read rules like they’re optional.
You play fair… when you’re winning.
You shuffle cards like you’re mixing soup.
You start games and forget the goal.
You celebrate before the game ends.
You play tag like you’re allergic to running.

Superhero sillies

Your superpower is confusion.
You’re the hero of losing things.
You’d save the day… after a snack break.
Your cape would trip you.
You’re “Captain Almost.”
You’re “The Incredible Oops.”
Your superhero pose looks like a sneeze.
You fly in your imagination only.
Your villain would be homework.
You’re the hero… of being late.

Cartoon character roasts

You laugh like a cartoon duck.
You run like a silly animation.
You have “Saturday morning” energy.
Your ideas are straight from a cartoon plot.
You react like a character with sound effects.
You’re dramatic like a cartoon villain.
Your face does “boing” expressions.
You’re basically a walking doodle.
You slip up like a cartoon banana peel.
You’re the funniest character in the room.

Sports goof-up roasts

You throw like the ball is slippery on purpose.
You run like your shoes are arguing.
You miss goals like it’s a challenge.
You dribble like the ball is winning.
You celebrate effort—and that’s nice.
You aim for the sky every time.
You pass to the wrong team like it’s teamwork.
You play defense against your own plans.
You sprint for snacks, not for sports.
You’re athletic… in your heart.

Sleepyhead roasts

You yawn like it’s a talent show.
You’re always tired—did sleep offend you?
You wake up slowly like a computer updating.
You blink like your eyes are rebooting.
You nap like it’s your mission.
You’re sleepy even after sleeping.
You look like you dream in class.
You move like you’re still in pajamas inside.
Your energy is set to “low power.”
You’re awake… technically.

Art & drawing “oops” roasts

Your drawing is… very creative.
That stick figure looks stressed.
Your art is so unique it needs a translator.
You drew a cat that looks like a potato—amazing.
Your eraser deserves a trophy.
Your colors are bold… like your choices.
That face has five emotions at once.
Your lines are wobbly but confident.
You made modern art by accident.
Your masterpiece is brave.

Singing & noise roasts

You sing like you’re testing the smoke alarm.
Your voice is loud in a heroic way.
You hum like a tiny engine.
You sing with confidence, not accuracy.
Your notes are playing hide-and-seek.
You clap off-beat like it’s a remix.
Your singing scares silence away.
You rap like you’re reading fast.
You make noise like it’s your job.
Your voice has main-character energy.

Tech & gadget goofs

You tap the screen like it owes you candy.
You click like you’re playing whack-a-mole.
You forget passwords like it’s a hobby.
You swipe wrong with confidence.
You ask “where’s the button?” every time.
You charge your device… sometimes.
Your typing looks like a dance.
You close apps like you’re mad at them.
You use voice search like it’s magic.
Your tablet is tired of you.

Fashion fumbles (no body comments)

Your outfit looks like it was chosen by a spinning wheel.
You dress like you lost a bet—in a fun way.
Your socks are doing their own thing.
You match colors like you’re guessing.
Your style says “I don’t care,” loudly.
You’re wearing confidence, and that’s the main thing.
Your outfit has plot twists.
You look ready for three seasons at once.
Your shoes look like they’re on an adventure.
You made “random” into a style.

Weather & outdoor roasts

You complain about weather like you control it.
You run from wind like it’s chasing you.
You melt in the sun like an ice cube.
You act like rain is a personal attack.
You jump in puddles like it’s a sport.
You hate mud until it’s on someone else.
You shiver like a cartoon.
You wear a jacket when it’s hot—interesting.
You act like clouds are dramatic too.
You’re outside for five minutes and need a break.

Book & story roasts

You read one page and call it “a lot.”
You hold books like they might bite.
You start stories and forget the characters.
You read slow like you’re tasting words.
You skip pages like they’re optional.
You love books… when they’re short.
You make up endings because reading is hard.
You treat the library like a quiet challenge.
You turn every story into a joke.
You’re the plot twist.

Magic & imagination roasts

Your magic spell would be “oops-a-doodle.”
You’d turn a dragon into a chicken by accident.
Your wand would need instructions.
You’d teleport and still be late.
Your imaginary world is chaos—and I respect it.
You’d wish for snacks first.
Your magic power is making messes.
You’d be a wizard of silly.
Your spell book is all doodles.
Your imagination is louder than reality.

Bike & wheels roasts

You ride like you’re steering with luck.
Your bike bell is louder than your speed.
You wobble like jelly on wheels.
You brake like it’s a surprise.
You ride fast for two seconds, then panic.
You pedal like you’re stomping grapes.
You ride like a cartoon chase scene.
Your helmet is the smartest one here.
You turn corners like a boat.
You ride like you’re dodging invisible cones.

Clean roasts that rhyme

You talk so loud, you draw a crowd.
You run so slow, it’s a show.
You try so hard, but miss the yard.
You act so brave, then misbehave.
You jump and shout, then wipe out.

Short one-liner roasts for kids

These are short roasts for 9 year olds that are quick, clean, and easy to remember.

Nice try, future legend.
You’re doing a lot… for no reason.
Your plan needs a plan.
You’re brave to say that.
You’re silly on purpose, right?
That idea was… interesting.
You’re loud in a fun way.
You’re the reason we laugh.
Your brain is on vacation.
You’re chaos with shoes on.
You’re moving in slow motion.
You’re a walking surprise.
Your joke needs homework.
You’re extra, but we like it.
You’re the plot twist again.

Best “friendly” roasts for best friends

You’re my best friend, but you stress me out for fun.
I’d pick you again… and complain again.
You’re the funniest mess I know.
You’re my buddy, even when you’re confusing.
You’re awesome… and also a lot.

Roasts by Situation (So Kids Always Use the Right One)

Playground roasts that won’t get kids in trouble

You run like your backpack is steering you.
You’re fast… when snacks are involved.
You’re the loudest teammate on the quietest plan.
You act tough, then trip on air.
You tag people like you’re apologizing.

Birthday party roasts (funny, not embarrassing)

Happy birthday! You’re older, but still silly.
Another year of you being you—wow.
You’re growing up… slowly, but surely.
You’re the birthday star and the comedy show.
Today you can be extra. Tomorrow too.

Sibling roasts for home (no fighting)

We grew up in the same house—explain yourself.
You’re annoying, but you’re our annoying.
You argue like it’s a sport.
You copy me like it’s your homework.
You act like the boss, but you’re the assistant.

Group chat/text roasts for kids (safe wording)

You type like your fingers are laughing.
That message was a whole adventure.
You used ten words to say “nothing.”
You’re bold in text—funny.
Your emojis are doing too much.

Team sports roasts (no shaming, all fun)

Nice hustle! Your aim is still on vacation.
You’re fast… in your feelings.
You dribble like the ball is slippery.
Your defense is “good vibes.”
You’re the loudest coach on the team.

Kid Comebacks (Clean Replies When Someone Roasts You)

Short comeback lines

Good one! Did you practice?
Nice try—almost funny.
That was silly. Try again.
You’re proud of that, huh?
I’ll give you a second chance.

Funny “nice save” replies

Ooo, that was spicy… for a kid.
You cooked, but the stove was off.
That roast was so tiny I almost missed it.
You tried to roast me and toasted yourself.
Keep going—I love comedy.

How to respond if it feels mean

If it stops being fun, say:

“Stop. That’s not nice.”
“I don’t like that joke.”
“Let’s do a different joke.”
If they don’t stop, walk away and tell an adult.

Make Your Own Kid-Safe Roasts (Easy Templates)

The “You’re like a…” template (safe comparisons)

Use: “You’re like a ____ because you ____.”
Examples:

You’re like a sleepy sloth because you move so slow.
You’re like a popcorn kernel because you bounce everywhere.

The “Nice try…” template

Use: “Nice try, but ____.”
Examples:

Nice try, but your plan is still confused.
Nice try, but your joke needs practice.

The “Superpower” silly template

Use: “Your superpower is ____.”
Examples:

Your superpower is losing stuff in two seconds.
Your superpower is making homework disappear.

20 fill-in-the-blank roast starters

You’re as ____ as a ____.
You move like a ____.
You laugh like a ____.
Your plan is made of ____.
You’re the champion of ____.
You act like ____.
You’re doing ____ again.
You’re allergic to ____.
You’re the king/queen of ____.
You’re like ____ on a ____.
You try hard, but ____.
You’re so ____ that ____.
You’re the reason ____.
Your favorite hobby is ____.
You’re the CEO of ____.
You’re the captain of ____.
Your brain is on ____.
You’re faster than ____ (not).
You’re stronger than ____ (maybe).
You’re funnier than ____ (sometimes).

Bonus: Roast Games for 9-Year-Olds (Classroom & Home)

5 quick roast games kids love

Silly Roast Circle: Everyone says one clean roast, then passes.
Roast Relay: Teams take turns with one-liners only.
Cartoon Comparisons: Only “You’re like a…” roasts.
Compliment Roast: Roast + compliment in one sentence.
Friendly Roast Battle: 30 seconds each, teacher/parent judges “kindest funny.”

How to keep games fair and friendly

Only roast habits (slow, sleepy, goofy), not appearance
Everyone gets a turn to say “pause”
If someone looks upset, the game ends

5 ways to make it funnier without being mean

Use cartoon comparisons
Use rhymes
Keep it short
Act surprised like a character
Add a compliment after

5 roasts to skip (examples of “too far”)

Skip anything about:

bodies or faces
parents or family problems
money or gifts
big mistakes they feel bad about
embarrassing secrets

How to Teach Kids Healthy Banter

Teaching tone and timing (why delivery matters)

A calm voice and a smile makes it a joke. A serious voice makes it sound mean. Teach kids to say roasts like they’re telling a silly story, not like they’re mad.

Helping shy kids join in safely

Let shy kids use short roasts for 9 year olds first. One-liners are easier and feel safer. Also allow “compliment roasts” so it stays warm.

How to stop a roast battle before it turns into bullying

Use a clear rule: if someone says “stop,” the roast battle stops. No arguing. No “it was just a joke.” Respect comes first.

Conclusion

The best roasts for 9 year olds are clean, silly, and safe. If everyone’s laughing, you’re doing it right. Use these good roasts for 9 year olds to keep friendships fun, build confidence, and make jokes that don’t cross lines. And when you need something quick, stick to the short roasts for 9 year olds—fast, funny, and friendly.

FAQs

What are good roasts for 9 year olds?
Clean ones about silly habits (being sleepy, slow, dramatic, or goofy) that don’t target bodies, families, or personal stuff.

What are short roasts for 9 year olds?
Quick one-liners like “Nice try, future legend” or “Your plan needs a plan.”

Are roasts for 9 year olds okay at school?
Yes, if they’re teacher-safe, kind, and both kids are laughing. If someone looks upset, stop immediately.

What is a safe roast for 9 year olds girl?
Use playful lines about habits or funny moments, not appearance—like “You’re the queen of dramatic reactions” or “You’re chaos with glitter energy.”